Choices (aka My Awkward Self-Destructive Attempts at International Dating and Other Decisions)

The first draft of this post consisted only of a collection of my awkward encounters with attractive people while traveling – and occasionally, not so attractive people. But that was firstly, verrrrrry long, and secondly, I found it not nearly as interesting as I wish my love life actually was. So I’ll make a compromise. You get a couple of funny stories – my favorite ones, along with actual stories from my trip. Not so bad, right?

Though before we get into those, one of the best choices I made on this trip was to do a guided tour of Ireland. Firstly, I didn’t have to drive – sure, Boston and NY are intimidating, but Ireland was terrifying. Lots of sheep in the street. I mean, a LOT. (I did try to pet one, but it ran away. I was sad.) So not having to drive was a definite plus. Also – the places we stayed at were places I never would have allowed myself to spend the money on in the first place, so that was a nice treat.

By far, my favorite place in Ireland was Kinnitty Castle. Beautiful, solitary, dreary, haunted – this, THIS was my dream castle. Only one person works at night – the bartender, bell hop, front desk attendant – all the same person for the night. Everybody is kind, sweet, and very personable. The ghosts- not so much. But the living – were a real treat. No secret passages – but honestly, none were needed. There were so many curving hallways, different passages to get to the rooms, occasionally behind doors that looked like they lead to closets. That was my favorite part of Ireland – this castle. I very much want to go back. But not alone – sleeping in a haunted castle where a child’s handprint appeared on my bathroom door is not exactly what I want to do alone again. But everything else – the horseback ride, the standing stones, the faerie trail, the woods – in a heartbeat.

The choices made in the moment while in Edinburgh always turned out to be the best decision. While I was there, Fringe was happening. Fringe Festival is a huge theater festival held every year all over the world – and Edinburgh hosts the largest one. The entire city turns into a massive theater playground, with people from all over the world there to perform, to watch, to play, to learn. This was a fucking experience. I saw some breathtaking shows, some what-the-hell-did-I-just-watch shows, and some shows that left me speechless. I met the playwright from a play the Garage Theatre produced a few years back – that was amazing (David Finnegan, Kill Climate Deniers). And the environment of Fringe in Edinburgh; everything was walkable, streets were shut down, the venues were mind blowing – the whole city screamed of the raw emotion we haven’t felt in years; connection.

One karaoke night, another of the other tribers, Jalisa, and I, were running late. We told the group to go ahead and we would meet them shortly. As Jalisa and I were walking, we talked about a show that we had both loved – The Strange Undoing Of Prudencia Hart. We ended up taking the long way to the karaoke bar, just from enjoying the conversation. As we headed up, Jalisa noticed one of the actors walking right past us. It literally could not have been better timing. We stopped, chatted with him, and asked him a couple of the questions we had been debating on about the show. And I found the courage to ask him if he wanted to hang out. Naturally, I was turned down (he was not impressed with my California accent, and since when do I have a California accent?), but I felt proud of myself for asking. The rejection was irrelevant; the courage was not. Jalisa and I were so excited, and I was on Cloud 9 for the rest of the night.

I do find that I have more courage with others around me. The Wifi Tribe group planned a weekend trip to the Highlands (this is a MUST to return to), where we ended up renting a mansion for a night. That was a blast – and it went probably exactly as you are thinking it went. Towards the end of the night, some of us were still up – maybe 8 or 10 of us. So naturally, we decided to play truth or dare. My dare was to post a thirst trap – yeah, I definitely had not heard of those before. Those young’uns. A thirst trap is a sexy picture meant to get people’s attention, simply put. And since I am, well, not very sexy, my photo was… interesting, to say the least. Besides getting responses from 2 of my sisters and a couple of friends saying, “What the hell is going on here?” and “Are you all right?”, some DM’s did manage to slide in, wink wink. So that was a wonderful self-esteem boost – well, until it wasn’t, but that’s a different story meant for my therapist.

But that was a fun night. And that photo is now on my Bumble and Hinge profile. I’ll let you know how it works out.

There were several other, awkward flirting attempts throughout my 6-week journey but I will spare you the long and unhappy ending-stories. Just… picture a scenario where I am approached by an attractive person, and then I run away or ignore them. That’s pretty much what happened in each situation. Except the first one, where I walked in on a gorgeous man working in a common area, and we stared at each other the way preschoolers size each other up when they first meet. I actually spoke to him – and then left town the next day. Sigh. Such is digital nomad life. But damn, he was good looking. And from South Africa. I don’t remember his name, but I remember he was from South Africa. Missed opportunities are the ones you run from.

In general, my decision to go on this trip was one of the best I’ve made. I had been thinking about and planning this trip for a while but had not yet finalized my plans. All the usual stop-thoughts were there – money, time, debt, yada yada yada. Then my father got sick. And the day I left him, I booked my tickets. Missed opportunities are the ones you run from. And this was one I was not going to turn my back on, and I am so glad I didn’t.

A lot of people have said to me that I am courageous for traveling alone; the folx in my Ireland tour group, some friends, a few family members. But it doesn’t feel that way to me. It’s in my blood. My father, my Aunt’s, my grandmother – I was built to become a digital nomad. I come from explorers and trail blazers, survivors and fighters. It might be scary/courageous, but/and it is my path. I have no desire to walk any other path except my own.

So continuing this lifestyle is my intentional choice. More to come on that – including an upcoming cross country road trip that I am leaving for in a week. But this trip to go to London, Edinburgh, Ireland – this was the best decision I could have made at this time in my life. And I certainly don’t regret it.

So… stay tuned for the next few posts! Which will be coming out before I leave. Especially since the road trip is coming up, and I should probably figure out how I am going to be posting that as well.

Til next time – live your life and have adventures!

(Eehhhh - still trying to work out a decent sign off line. Bear with me as I test some out 😉)